Princess Mary's Magic

I wrote Mary a story:

      Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away lived a beautiful curly haired princess named Mary. Mary lived in an elaborate and ornate castle made from huge slabs of pink granite. She spent most of her time in the highest room in the tallest tower in the land (she wasn't trapped there, she just really loved the view). Princess Mary invented a one-person elevator using complicated pulley system, because she is resourceful like that and was tired of using the stairs all the time. She still used them pretty regularly though, to tone her gams and to let the Elevator Butler's have afternoon naps during their breaks.

      Princess Mary was known throughout several (at least six!) kingdoms for her benevolence, her ingenuity, and for her magical blue eyes. I'm not being unduly flattering here, Princess Mary's peepers were legit enchanted - with a flutter of her eyelashes while saying a special incantation, one gaze from her big ol' baby blues could fill an empty goblet, vase, cup, or keg with any libation or elixir of her choice.

      Revelers and celebratory citizens from lands all over came constantly to bequest the Princess' special magic be bestowed upon them. Being a wise magistrate, Princess Mary decreed that she would not have a kingdom full of drunkards, and would only use her powers under very special circumstances, and the occasional personal nightcap. A weekly council was set up in the Pink Granite Castle's Great Pink Hall (sounds a little dirty) where those who thought their cases worthy could come and make appeals to the Princess herself.

      One deary, rainy morning, Princess Mary was bummed out to discover it was one of those such weekly council occasions. Normally, the princess was happy to have people come and make their appeals, but on that morning, she could think of nothing worse. A giant spider had taken up residence in her bathtub, she had been getting incessant messages from a very annoying junior advisor in the court about nothing important at all, and she had seen at least five maidens of the court wearing tights as pants as she peered out her tall tower window. Still, Princess Mary knew her duty, so she descended down the elevator to court.

      Sitting upon her thrown in a bejewelled pair of yellow overalls (she figured she'd help the Royal Painters redecorate the dining hall after court), Princess Mary presided over the full court and was approached by a sobbing young maiden.

      "Your Highness," began the Maiden, "My beloved has absconded with another maiden!"

      "Ah yes," said the Princess, unmoved, "The heart wants what it wants, unfortunately."

      "He made every promise he could to me, but it was all for naught! A knight of your very court, Princess... and he is nothing but a liar and a cad!"

      "This sounds like many a knight I know," said the Princess, "But I could just as well be asked to provide in celebration for he and his new bride, could I not?"

      "Worst of all, your Highness," the Maiden wiped her tears, "He stole my horse!"

      "Your horse?"

       "He stole Cloppers, and left him two kingdoms over, and I'll never get him back!"

      "Gracious Lady of the Court, present your chalice!"

      "Oh thank-you Your Highness!" exclaimed the Maiden as she raised her margarita glass.

      Princess Mary waived a ringed hand over the glass, and began to flutter her eyelashes - she stared intensely and began to chant... "Come on baby, shake your body, do the conga!"

      The margarita glass began to shake in the Maiden's outstretched hand as the Princess continued chanting... "I know you can't control yourself any longer!"

      The glass lifted out of the Maiden's hand - "Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger!"

     Before the court's eyes, the glass seemed instantly chilled with frost, and began to fill from the bottom up with a wild magenta liquid.

      "Don't you fight it til you tried it..."

      The glass descended gently back into the Maiden's hands where she grasped the stem.

      "Do the conga beat!"

      Th entire court erupted in applause as the Maiden sipped from her beverage, "I needed that" she said with relief.

      Princess Mary smiled, knowing that she had been there for her subjects once again as good princesses and friends always are.


Happy Birthday Princess Mary!