I made a trip to the supermarket this evening. Usually I prefer to go to the smallest grocery stores available because I usually freak out at the sheer amount of choices available at the big ones, and end up leaving with just a bottle of strange sauce and a decorative spatula, when I need to actually buy my food for the week. Regardless, I went to the Super Store with the intent to buy a very specific type of cookies, which they didn’t even have! Luckily, I had no choice induced panic attacks. Instead, I loaded up my cart (fun fact: just typed “cake” there.) with all sorts of absurd things: make-your-own-mini-pizzas? Yes please! Salt & Pepper shakers for 94 cents? Well, I don’t actually own either salt or pepper, but that’s just too good a deal to pass up! Giant box of clementines? Bag o‘ Mixed nuts?! “Whimsical” holiday tree… EIGHT DOLLARS!?!?!?!!… it was meant to be.
I distinctly remember mentioning to my cashier, “I only brought the one reusable bag, so if it doesn’t all fit, no worries.” Which she took to mean: cram every item into the reusable bag until it is too heavy to carry, leaving the Whimsical tree out, and the clementines sideways in their own plastic bag.
I knew this was trouble.
By the time I was out of the sliding doors, my main bag was breaking my shoulder, and all the clementines had escaped from their box, and were dangling loose, aching for freedom, in the bottom of the plastic bag. I placed everything down on a bench to readjust. Clementines back in their box, mixed nuts out of the heavy bag and put atop the clementines. Heavy bag firmly placed back on my left shoulder, my purse swung over my right. Clementine box held in the proper position under my right arm, my left hand clutching the whimsical tree.
I made it across the street before both my purse and the heavy bag slid from my shoulders, saved only by the crooks in my boney arms. The bag of nuts threatened to slid out from their perch on the clementines.
I put the strap of my purse around my neck, and pulled the handles of the heavy bag back up over my shoulder as far as they could go. Set off again. Within seconds, the nuts were in the snow and the inside of my elbow was carrying the burden of the remainder of my ridiculous purchases. Somehow, the whimsical tree remained intact in its position in my right fingers.
Still, despite the whimsical tree’s perseverance, I knew that the only way to pick up the mixed nuts would be to sacrifice the whimsy.
Or, put it on my head.
Luckily, the whimsical tree is really more of a crazy-looking cone, the perfect size for a make-shift Gnome costume… or so I learned tonight.
I walked the rest of the way home with slightly greater ease in my lovely new holiday hat. Many, many people saw me.
Some clementines did manage to meet sweet, sweet freedom about 30 seconds away from my front door.
