Fishing for compliments.

I love getting complimented. It's great. I take it exceedingly well.

I'm 100% not the type of person to throw your compliment back in your face either. Some people respond to compliments as though they have just been attacked... "What? No, my hair looks gross today, you're crazy!" "You like this sweater? I think I look so fat in it." Personally, I will probably just beam and thank-you graciously. I do this because when I tell someone something nice about themselves, I always really mean it. "You're just saying that because you're my friend and you have to" is utter bullshit to me, seriously. I don't have to tell you anything. No one is putting a gun to my head and making me tell you that you look nice. It's technically easier to say nothing at all. So, in that regard, I never assume that if you're saying something nice about me that it being said under duress... unless of course I've demanded you list off reasons why you like me*. 

Sometimes I wonder why people choose the compliments that they use, and certainly have taken pause at some word choices in the past. For example, being called a "stone cold fox" is pretty much ah-mah-zing**, but once when referred to non-ironically as someone's "princess", I pretty much barfed. I get it - the intent was to tell me how special I am, but fuck that noise - I may be useless and get myself kidnapped and stuck in towers, but I am not entitled about it! 

The best compliments are the simplest ones, usually. If I think you're terribly clever, I like to let you know "you are terribly clever", I'm probably not going to go over the top and tell you that you're the smartest person on the whole planet unless I am having fun with hyperbole. Which to be fair, I often do.

On the other hand, there are the wildly specific, delightful sorts of compliments that are also just fantastic, "I like your bizarrely expressed confidence" for example, followed by examples of. Or, "your ears are the nicest ears I've ever snuzzled." Perfection!

Compliments from strangers are another ballgame all together, and I don't often shell them out myself. Some people however manage to do it just right... like that time I was being shown an apartment by this French guy. I told him that the fixtures of the place were beautiful to look at, and he said (very frenchily), "If I may say so, you are as well." Said by anyone else, that would have been terrifying! He made it work. 

A good rule of thumb might be that if you are not a bohemian looking French man, perhaps you shouldn't say things like that.

Lots of things seem wonderfully flattering when said by those you know, but just don't work in the context of strangers. If someone you have a longstanding flirtation with sends you a text that says you looked so wonderful that they couldn't keep their eyes off you all night, then you giggle and blush and smile charmingly just in case that's true and they are looking at you this very second. If that text comes from an unknown number, your first instinct should be to reach for your pepper spray.

For those with issues giving compliments, I direct you to this episode of David Mitchell's Soapbox. (Even those without issues shall enjoy). "Anna, you look absolutely radiant. Brenda you're looking perfectly acceptable. Clara, you're also here." 

*Ben is so lucky. 

** Give Happy Endings a chance!