Brenda

Dear Brenda,


Hello! You don’t know me… my name is Marg. I don’t know you either. What I do know is that none of your friends believe me when I tell them that I am Marg. That’s right, Marg. Not Brenda.

Now Brenda, you may be wondering why all your friends seem to have us so terribly confused. Well, I think it has a little something to do with the fact that they all think my phone number is in fact, your phone number.

I realize that the most logical explanation for the confusion is simply that this used to be your number, and then you changed numbers or moved or something, and now it belongs to me.

But, I have come to believe that you are not a logical person, Brenda. Because if you did simply change numbers, you failed to inform any of your friends or family members of the fact. I’ve been the proud owner of my number for several months now, and I would say that about 75% of my calls are for you. You would think that as the months went on, that people would realize their error, but actually, your calls have been steadily increasing.

This leads me to the following conclusion: Brenda, you do not know your own phone number, and you remember it incorrectly as mine. You have been wandering around town giving out your (my) number to everyone you know, and honestly, you’re probably pretty curious why no one ever calls you.

They don’t call you because you’re stupid, Brenda.

To be fair, I think they might be stupid too.  Here are just a sampling of the conversations and messages that I have been privy to on your behalf:


Me: Hello?
Dude: Hey Brenda!
Me: Oh, you have the wrong number.
Dude: No I don’t, you’re a contact in my phone! What’s up?


Me: Hello?
Lady: Brenda?
Me: No, sorry, this isn’t Brenda.
Lady: Brenda, is that you?
Me: No…


Voicemail: You have reached the mailbox of “Marg Craig”, please leave a message after the tone.
Woman with Accent: Hello Brenda! Your voicemail sounds strange. Anyway, just calling to wish you Happy Thanksgiving! Doug and I missed you this year, I hope everything is well! Did you manage to ask Jessica about the gift basket? Call me back when you have time. Okay Brenda, Happy Thanksgiving again! Bye!



You should try and figure this out, Brenda. I’ve started snapping at your friends. Also, Dr. Christie’s office keeps calling you. Um… you might have the clap.


Hugs & Kisses!

Marg